


Counting Someone Else's Blessings

by VampireNaomi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireNaomi/pseuds/VampireNaomi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prussia takes Romano on a date to Sanssouci, but Romano can't help but feel jealous of how much Old Fritz means to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Someone Else's Blessings

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story for the Hetalia kink meme.

Romano leaned his chin on his hand and staring at the passing scenery. They had just switched into a different tram at the Berlin-Grunewald station and should arrive in Potsdam in some twenty minutes.

He was very much hoping that the tram would crash.

Romano had a hard time naming other places in Germany that he would have considered worse for a date than Potsdam and the Sanssouci Park. He wanted this to be over with as soon as possible and only had to glance to his side to be reminded of the reason.

Prussia was having trouble sitting still on his seat, like a little kid who was on his way to an amusement park. His eyes were shining with barely controlled excitement, and Romano had already had to shove him away two times because he kept grabbing his arm to get his attention.

Such irritating displays got on his nerves on the best of days, but today seeing Prussia like that wormed right under his heart and curled up there, making his chest ache.

If there was one topic Prussia never shut up about – other than his so called awesomeness – it was how much his Old Fritz meant to him. He had never touched on the issue in his numerous stories, but Romano strongly suspected that the two of them had been lovers back in the day. Why else would Prussia go on and on about how fantastic he was and what a great king-kingdom combination they had been?

So, basically, Prussia was dragging him on a date to see the glorified garden of his ex. It wasn't that Romano was jealous, but... Okay, fine. He was fucking jealous that someone who had been dead for centuries still meant that much to his boyfriend. And he couldn't even complain about it because that would have made him the asshole of the relationship, even though it was totally low that Prussia was –

Damn, just fuck it. He would die before this day was over.

Prussia crossed his hands behind his head and leaned back, a wide grin on his face.

“You're going to love it,” he said. “It's so awesome. Fritz put tons care into designing the whole thing and making it as perfect as he could. I'm going to tell you all about it when we get there.”

“I can't fucking wait.”

They finally arrived at the Potsdam train station and took a bus to Am Neuen Palais where the university was. Romano kept sulking to himself all through the trip, but he didn't think Prussia even noticed it from his excitement. Just showed where his thoughts were – not where they should have been, on his _current_ boyfriend.

They entered the park through an entrance near the New Palace. Prussia explained how there were so many places to see in the park that he couldn't possibly show them all to him in one day. That was why they would only take a look at some and then go to the actual Sanssouci Palace.

“We can always come back another day for the rest,” he said.

“So, where do we start, then?” Romano asked, completely ignoring Prussia's suggestion. He would come up with some excuse later so that he'd never have to step back into this park for as long as he lived.

“At the New Palace, of course! Come on!”

Prussia grabbed Romano's hand and started leading him down the path towards the palace. As they neared it, he supposed it was actually pretty impressive. It was built in a beautiful baroque style and seemed to radiate power and might. Very much like Prussia when he was being serious, Romano thought.

They stopped to stand right before the palace. Prussia placed his hands on his hips and gazed at it proudly. Romano got the feeling that if his grin grew any wider, his face might split.

“We built this after we kicked Austria's ass in the Seven Years' War,” Prussia said. “I just don't get tired of thinking about the look on his face!”

Romano imagined what Prussia must have looked like after the war that had made him one of the most powerful nations in Europe. The two of them hadn't had much contact until they had fought together against Austria in a few battles in the 19th century. Even then, they had been more like strangers who just happened to be on the same side. Nothing like Prussia and Frederick. 

He suddenly wanted to know what it was like to go to war with him and emerge victorious after numerous hardships. Surely people who shared that kind of experiences had a connection.

Then he realised what he was thinking. Goddammit, his jealousy was making him stupid. He should be happy there was no more war in Europe. It didn't mean a damn thing if Prussia and Frederick had had a super special lovers' bond forged in war that he could never have with him. He didn't give a fuck. Really, he didn't.

He realised that Prussia had continued blabbering about the palace, so he decided to tune in again. As much as it got under his skin that Prussia had dragged him here to tell him how great his dead ex had been, he didn't actually want to let him know it bothered him. He knew it was stupid to be jealous when all of this had happened centuries before they had got together, but he couldn't help it. Prussia clearly loved this place and Frederick with all he had.

Maybe he loved them more than him? Maybe he was just the second best option since Frederick was dead?

He should ask him. They sometimes had serious communication problems because Prussia tended to assume he always knew best and Romano had trouble showing some of his feelings, so they had promised that they would speak up if something was wrong, but... To be honest, he was afraid of the answer.

They started walking down the main avenue that reached from one end of the park to the other. The way was surrounded by statues, trees and hedges, and Romano felt his sour mood improve somewhat as he let himself be immersed by the peaceful atmosphere. It was no Italy, sure, but there was such a strong sense of history and eternity around them that to an immortal being it almost felt like home.

His heart jumped when he felt Prussia's fingers move to grab his so that they could walk through the park hand in hand. After all the doubtful thoughts that had been circling in his head the whole day, such a small gesture was the greatest relief. Romano squeezed the hand in his, which he usually didn't do.

“Do you like it so far?” Prussia asked.

“I guess so, but – ”

“Great! Now we have to go here. The Chinese House is this way.”

And so Prussia dragged him away from the main avenue to one of the smaller paths that circled amongst the trees. As they walked, he told him how glad he was that the park and the buildings inside it had mostly been spared the Allied bombings, unlike so many other places important to him, like the Potsdam City Palace.

“They made me tear it down in the 60s. I've never had a government shittier than that,” he grumbled. “I bet they would have bulldozed this place too if I hadn't put my foot down and said fuck no.”

Romano didn't reply. Maybe that was one of the reasons Prussia seemed to love Sanssouci so much. It was one of the few things that hadn't completely changed or been taken away when he had become East Germany. He wondered if Prussia had used to come here for comfort during those four decades.

Prussia turned to give him a curious look. “What's up? You're being really quiet today.”

“It's nothing. I'm fine.”

“Stunned into silence by the awesomeness here? Ha, happens to me all the time, too!”

They arrived at the Chinese House, which was a green garden pavilion with pillars and decorations the colour of gold. A statue was sitting on the roof, but Romano couldn't quite make out what it was supposed to be.

“Pretty, isn't it?” Prussia asked. “Fritz mostly wanted it to be here and look nice, but he used to throw some small parties here too when he was in the mood.”

Romano pulled his hand away and shoved it into his pocket.

The Chinese House wasn't just beautiful, it was also very romantic. He could imagine what it looked like at sunset, covered in the shadows of the surrounding trees, and how two lovers could spend an evening watching the park around them grow dark as they leaned into each other.

They had probably done that a lot, he thought sourly. Frederick had been an appreciator of music and arts, so something like that had probably been right up his alley. And Prussia had a huge soft side, even if he didn't like to admit it. No doubt they had spent countless evenings here. Maybe nights, too. Maybe they had –

“Hey, are you listening?” Prussia asked, bringing him back from his thoughts.

“What?”

Prussia pouted at him. “You weren't. And I was just coming to the best part.”

“I was just distracted by this damn place,” Romano muttered, suddenly unable to meet Prussia's eyes. He had no reason to feel guilty, he tried telling himself. If Prussia was honestly expecting him to leap into the air in joy when he brought him on a tour to his ex' place, he was pretty damn stupid.

“Yeah, it's awesome,” Prussia said with a chuckle, but some of the excitement had disappeared from his voice. “Anyway, do you want to start heading towards the palace? There's something I really want to show you there.”

“Is it a long way?” Romano asked. They had already walked a lot, and he was getting hungry. Maybe they could leave this place after the palace and go have lunch. And then they'd return to Berlin.

“About as long as it took to get here from the New Palace.”

“Great. You had better give me a foot massage when we get back.”

“It's not _that_ long. And it's going to be worth it! You'll see!”

They left the Chinese House and started following a path that led east, towards the main avenue and the large fountain that stood before the stairs leading to the Sanssouci Palace. Prussia caught Romano's hand once more and started dragging him up and past the wine garden, almost running up the stairs and making Romano feel like he was being pulled to his doom.

What could possible be so interesting over there? The palace was pretty, sure, but as far as he knew, there was nothing other than –

Oh, fuck.

They reached the end of the stairs and found themselves before the palace, but Romano had no eyes for the beautiful architecture. He felt his heart sink to his stomach when his worst fears were confirmed and Prussia started urging him to follow him.

“I'm going to introduce you to someone,” Prussia announced.

They stopped to stand before the gravestone on the ground. Prussia placed his hands on Romano's shoulders and stood behind him, like he was presenting him before a row of judges. And that's exactly how Romano felt as he gazed down at the name on the grave.

“Wow, you're tense,” Prussia whispered into his ear. “Are you nervous about meeting my Old Man?”

“N-no!” Why the hell would he be nervous? He was just being pushed before his boyfriend's stupid ex who was so perfect and fantastic that Prussia never shut up about him, even when he was on a date with him. He wasn't nervous, and especially not about something as stupid as being compared to him and being found inadequate. No. Fucking. Way.

“Good! Because now that we've been going out for a while, I figure it's high time you two meet officially. You had better get along, okay?”

Romano wondered why Prussia kept talking about Frederick like he was actually in a position to have an opinion of any kind, and for a moment he wondered if his ghost would appear before them. But of course that didn't happen. Prussia was just being an idiot like usual.

Prussia turned his attention to the grave. “Anyway, sorry I haven't been around lately,” he said. “I've been a little busy. But now I'm here and look whom I brought with me!”

“People are staring,” Romano said and glanced at the tourists who were giving them long looks.

“This is Romano, that awesome guy I've told you about! Don't let the grumpy look on his face fool you; he really is South Italy. I promised I'd bring him around, so here he is.”

Prussia let go of Romano's shoulders. “Romano, this is my Old Man Fritz, the best king there ever was in history! But you knew that already. Say hi.”

“I'm not talking to a grave,” Romano said with a roll of his eyes.

“Come on! You can't just stand here and say nothing. What kind of first impression are you going to make? Fritz will think that my taste has taken a nosedive over the years!”

“I already said I'm not talking to a grave! He's dead. His opinion doesn't matter,” Romano said. Really, of all the damn, stupid things... And why _did_ Prussia care so much about what Frederick thought? Wasn't it enough that the two of them were happy together? Why did he have to bring that dead fart into it?

He regretted his words as soon as he saw the broken-hearted look in Prussia's eyes.

“Yeah, sure he's dead,” Prussia said and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I know that.”

“Then why this show? What's the point of dragging me here and pretending that he can hear you?”

“Because – ” Prussia started, but then he glanced at the grave over his shoulder. He closed his mouth, grabbed Romano's arm and started to pull him away.

“Hey, what the hell?”

“We aren't fighting in front of my Old Man,” Prussia said in a heavy tone.

Romano didn't struggle, not really wanting to spend another moment by the grave, but he felt a stab of fear at Prussia's tone. He had been a dick to Frederick. No way was Prussia just going to take that in stride. Fuck, why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut and said hi to the stupid grave? Then he wouldn't be in trouble.

They didn't stop until they had come down the stairs and chosen one of the smaller paths that provided them with some privacy from the people strolling the park. Romano yanked his wrist free and rubbed it, glaring at Prussia from under his brows and waiting for him to say something.

“What's your problem?” Prussia asked.

“I don't have a problem.”

“Yeah, you do! You've been acting like that time when I decided to cook pasta by putting it in the water without boiling it first. You shouldn't be like that here. Explain!”

“I don't have to explain anything,” Romano said, even as he knew that he was just making it worse. He didn't really want to have a row here in public or say what it was that had got under his skin. If Prussia couldn't figure it out on his own, he sucked as a boyfriend.

“Fine. Whatever. So you hate this place. If it was that boring to you, you could have just said so and we would have gone somewhere else,” Prussia said. The pout on his face made him look like Romano had just told him he was the least awesome person the world, and he hated how his anger was already beginning to be replaced by guilt. Fuck it.

Prussia crossed his hands behind his head and turned away non-chalantly. “I mean, I don't give a shit if my boyfriend has such a bad taste that he doesn't like my park. I was kind of hoping that you'd like Fritz at least, but – ”

“Why does it even matter what I think? You think they're awesome. End of fucking story!”

“Because you're my boyfriend, that's why!”

Fuck, Romano thought, realisation beginning to dawn on him. Maybe Prussia hadn't been so excited just because he loved Sanssouci and Frederick. Maybe it was because he was so eager to share something that was important to him. Because he wanted to include him in the things that mattered the most to him.

“Listen,” he said and caught Prussia's arm to make him turn around. “I don't hate this place. It's great.”

“You sure aren't acting like it.”

Romano crossed his arms on his chest and looked away. He was itching to just snap that of course he didn't feel like it because it was stupid or in Germany, but he couldn't get out of this by throwing a tantrum. And maybe that was a good thing.

“Bastard, you're so blind,” he said. “It's not the damn park. It's... it's how you've been acting the whole day. It pisses me off.”

Prussia stared at him with a confused and irritated frown. “Why? I've been the best host ever! I told you all those stories! No tour guide knows half of that stuff!”

“But that's just it! It bugs me how you just keep talking about all the things you and Frederick – ”

“Wait, are you telling me you were jealous?” Prussia asked, surprise written all over his face. He threw his head back and laughed, covering his face with his hands. “Now I get it! You were being all grumpy because I was paying more attention to the buildings than you!”

For fuck's sake, this idiot.

“No, that's not –”

“That's okay! It's natural that you'd be jealous when the awesome me has his attention elsewhere. Who wouldn't be?” Prussia draped his arms around Romano and leaned close. “You're cute when you're jealous.”

Romano puffed his cheeks in irritation but decided that it would be easier if he didn't correct Prussia on his false assumptions. It made him feel like a coward, but this was the easiest way out.

“But you know, you have no reason to be jealous. I was so excited about the park just because I really wanted you to love it. You do, right?”

“Yeah, it's fantastic,” Romano said. It wasn't a lie. The park, the buildings and the monuments were all beautiful. He was starting feel think he had been a fool to let his stupid jealousy stop him from enjoying them. He had ruined the date without a single good reason. “And that's why I want to come back later! I don't care if it's boring to you because you've already seen everything. You're just going to have to suck it up.”

“Sure, no problem,” Prussia said and reached out to ruffle his hair.

Damn, Romano thought. He felt so stupid for doubting the idiot's feelings now that he had that look in his eyes. Affection like that couldn't be fake. He also felt guilty. He had no right to throw a temper tantrum just because Prussia had others he cared about, dead or not.

“I'm buying you lunch today,” he announced. “Pick the place.”

“Wow, that's dangerous. What if I want to go to a restaurant that only serves traditional German food?”

“Doesn't matter. I'll deal.” Really, that would be a just punishment for the way he had acted.

Prussia grinned at him and gave him a small peck on the lips. “Ha! You can count yourself lucky that I'm the best boyfriend in the world because I'm not going to be that cruel.”

Now that Prussia's fractured ego had been put back together, he was once again in high spirits. They went to have lunch in town after which Prussia showed him a few places in Potsdam. Then they had to return to Berlin because Germany wasn't at home, so it was their job to take out the dogs.

Romano found himself wishing that they would have had time to go back to Sanssouci. Now that he had more or less got over his irrational stupidity, he was able to look back to his thoughts and actions that day with a much clearer head. And he didn't like what he saw. He really needed to figure out a few things.

“Is it a normal thing for you to just walk up to the grave and start chatting?” he asked.

Prussia lifted a brow in surprise. “What?”

“I mean, do you do it every day or what?”

“Nah, not really. I just go there whenever I feel like it.” Prussia grew quiet and shot him a hesitating look. “Sometimes I don't even really have anything to say. I just go because I can. You know that he's actually been buried there only for some two decades.”

“Yeah.” Romano couldn't say he was familiar with the history of it, but for whatever reason Frederick hadn't originally been buried where he had wanted to, and then the Americans had taken him and he had rested in Hechingen for about half of the 20th century.

“I couldn't really go and see him whenever I wanted until the Wall came down, so I guess I'm just making up for it,” Prussia continued.

Romano searched his mind for something to say. He should apologize for how he had behaved. The words were burning on his tongue and demanding to be let out, but he didn't trust himself to open his mouth in case his apology turned into a veiled insult like usual.

“Do you want to know a secret?” Prussia asked. He was grinning sheepishly now, so Romano supposed he couldn't be feeling that bad.

“Yeah, what?”

“Fritz was the first person I ever told that I love you.”

“What?” Romano blurted out. “God, you're just...”

“The best? The most awesome? You don't need to tell me that!” Prussia leaned against him until Romano was pressed against the window.

“Take your awesome self and go back to your seat! You're taking up half of mine,” he grumbled, but he made no move to shove him away. He just hoped Prussia wouldn't get any funny ideas. Trains were very down on his list of great places for making out.

Since Prussia was clearly in a better mood, Romano did his best to forget about what had happened that day. However, his thoughts kept turning back to what he had said at the grave. He still thought talking to graves was fucking stupid, but he felt like a jerk for being so blunt about it. He felt _guilty_ , like he had just failed some test.

Fuck, I can't believe I'm thinking what I'm thinking, he groaned inwardly.

***

Romano groaned as he woke up to the sound of his cell phone's alarm. At first he couldn't understand why he had set it, especially so early, but then it all came back to him. He hurried to turn off the noise so that it wouldn't disturb Prussia's sleep, but that was perhaps a needless worry. Nothing could get Prussia awake before noon if he didn't have to be anywhere, and Romano had taken special care to wear him out the previous night.

He suppressed a yawn with the back of his hand and forced himself to leave the warm bed. It was only five, so it was still a little chilly, especially down in the basement. He couldn't help but shiver as his bare feet made contact with the floor.

Romano got dressed quickly and helped himself to some breakfast in the kitchen. Germany would be gone for the whole weekend, so he was able to relax and just enjoy a moment of quiet as he munched on his toast. When he was done, he grabbed his wallet and headed for the door.

Before he made it outside, he got a sudden idea and returned to the kitchen. Feeling just a little stupid, he opened the cupboard and grabbed a potato before finally leaving.

He took the next train to Potsdam. It was possible to enter the park at six in the morning, but none of the buildings or exhibitions were open yet, so he didn't meet a lot of people as he made his way through. Which was fine. He was feeling self-conscious enough already.

Some time later, he arrived at the stairs leading up to the palace. Taking a deep breath, he started climbing them and wondered why he was so nervous all of a sudden.

He stopped to stand before the grave and just stared at it for a while. It wasn't that he had actually come to talk to a gravestone, not really. He just... He needed to figure a few things out, and pretending that he was talking to someone might make it easier.

Romano took a glance around to make sure nobody was watching him. This had felt like a great idea the previous night, but now he was beginning to have second thoughts.

“So, I'm back,” he said before he could change his mind and leave.

He shifted his weight from one foot to another. He wasn't expecting a reply, but it felt strange to just keep going.

“Actually, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here. I bet you aren't interested in anything I have to say. Even if you can hear me, which I doubt, by the way. I'm not an idiot like Prussia.”

He paused to think before continuing, “It's because of him that I came here. I'm not really proud of the way I was acting yesterday. If you saw that, you're probably thinking that I'm not good enough for him.”

He glared at the grave, half hoping that there'd be some kind of response. It was kind of futile to argue alone.

“But I am,” he said. “I just don't always act that way because... Well, you know. He can be damn stupid sometimes.”

“But yesterday it was me who was an idiot. I shouldn't get jealous just because there are other people in his life he cares about. I should be happy. And from now on, I'll try to be.”

Romano brushed a strand of hair from his eyes, certain that his face was aflame. He couldn't remember when he had last felt so vulnerable, like his life would crumble if he messed this up.

“T-that's what I came to tell you. Yeah, I sucked yesterday, but I'm going to work on that. I won't get jealous, and I guess I'll try to talk to him more. So you can stop worrying that he picked a really crappy boyfriend, okay? I won't let anything ruin things between us, especially not my own shitty behaviour. And... I promise I won't hurt him.”

He then remembered the potato and reached over the small fence around the grave to place it down on the stone.

“I brought this. You had better appreciate it because I carried that disgusting thing in my pocket all the way here.”

“And I decided something last night. I don't need to know just what you were to Prussia. I don't care if you were his lover or some kind of father figure. Doesn't matter. You're important to him either way, and I'm not going to waste any more time being bothered by it.”

Romano let out a sigh. Only now that he had got that out of his chest, he began to register his surroundings. He turned to look at the park that spread before the palace, the endless green, the fountains, the statues and the paths that slithered into the woods. It was still early and a little chilly, but there was a pleasant, fresh taste in the air.

“It's a pretty good view from up here,” he said and shoved his hands into his pockets, admiring the quiet scenery.

After a moment, he glanced one more time at the grave. “I've got to get going. If Prussia wakes up, he might burn down the house trying to make breakfast. I'm sure you know what I mean. But we'll be back. There's still a lot for me to learn here.”

Romano snorted as a thought crossed his mind. “Just don't expect me to get this chatty again. Talking to graves isn't my thing. So... I guess I'll see you around.”

He left the grave and started walking down the stairs. A great calm overcome him as he walked through the park, as if he had just been accepted into the family.


End file.
